the bitch is back.
And she's angrier than ever.
Dec 31, 2009
nye.
the bitch is back.
And she's angrier than ever.
Dec 30, 2009
to his immortal beloved.
Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine -
Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be -
Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to you with me.
But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I.
- Ludwig van Beethoven.
jautkyn.
This is what we have nicknamed Kaitlyn after she incorrectly spelled her own name.
Last night Dean came over and cheered me up from whatever shitty mood I was in and we watched Gossip Girl until the other half came, then we sat up talking about naughty things and lovely things and depressing things and all kinds of things until Dean left and the other half and I fell asleep in my bed. I slept for majority of the day, until it was time to go to Kaitlyn's birthday dinner at Groove Lounge.
Nothing to report really, it was just an enjoyable night with nice people. Mr Zarkos' youngest sister was there and I am officially stalking her. It was so great to finally catch up with Amanda again, it's been a while. I stole Belinda's camera and we basically spent the rest of the night taking ridiculous photos of everything.
We had a grand old conversation with the poor waiter who'd been standing there silently all night, then Matt and Katt [hahahaha] and Amanda and I went and got ice cream and waited for Fred to pick us up. As Amanda and I were walking down the road cops stopped us and asked what we were doing and where we we going, probably thought we were hookers. I made Amanda listen to ethnic crap in the car to Kaitlyn's, and we all chilled there until Matt took me home. Stupid Kaitlyn wouldn't give me beer.
"Oh be careful, she may just cry, it was so beautiful."
Last night Dean came over and cheered me up from whatever shitty mood I was in and we watched Gossip Girl until the other half came, then we sat up talking about naughty things and lovely things and depressing things and all kinds of things until Dean left and the other half and I fell asleep in my bed. I slept for majority of the day, until it was time to go to Kaitlyn's birthday dinner at Groove Lounge.
Nothing to report really, it was just an enjoyable night with nice people. Mr Zarkos' youngest sister was there and I am officially stalking her. It was so great to finally catch up with Amanda again, it's been a while. I stole Belinda's camera and we basically spent the rest of the night taking ridiculous photos of everything.
We had a grand old conversation with the poor waiter who'd been standing there silently all night, then Matt and Katt [hahahaha] and Amanda and I went and got ice cream and waited for Fred to pick us up. As Amanda and I were walking down the road cops stopped us and asked what we were doing and where we we going, probably thought we were hookers. I made Amanda listen to ethnic crap in the car to Kaitlyn's, and we all chilled there until Matt took me home. Stupid Kaitlyn wouldn't give me beer.
"Oh be careful, she may just cry, it was so beautiful."
Dec 28, 2009
the sound of insanity.
Sea Out - Guillemots
Couldn't walk, she wouldn't cry, dreaming was their only time; dreams are half asleep.
I Can Feel A Hot One - Manchester Orchestra
And I was asking if you felt alright, I never want to hear the truth.
Snowflakes - White Apple Tree
I stand up dazed as I look around, what is this place that I have found?
Plane - Jason Mraz
If the plane goes down, damn, I'll remember where the love was found.
Dark On Fire - Turin Brakes
There's a reason that the world turns round, through silent sound.
Love Or Die - Travis Garland
I'd be happy with a broken heart, at least I got the chance to be in love with you.
Bust Your Windows - Jazmine Sullivan
But don't come back to my broken heart, you could never feel how I felt that day.
Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
But you've run away from me, and you've left me shimmering.
Other Side - Red Hot Chili Peppers
I thought it up and brought up the past, once you know you can never go back.
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
I know that goodbye means nothing at all, comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls.
oh what a night.
It all started when Gez and Shelbs messaged me asking if they could pop around for a visit. As soon as they arrived we'd modelled the clothing items we'd purchased over the past weekend, ordered Stellas and watched Two & A Half Men. Shelbs made us watch the Glee marathon. It was gleeful.
Age messaged me asking if he could visit so of course he came around and complained about how gay Glee is [which I must concur with him] and Shelbs left. A few shiggies and a d&m later, Char and Jenna messaged me asking what I was doing. Of course, they visited around the time Age was leaving.
Gez ditched us to go see Andy aka the evil bogan with no hair. All for a bit of green. So we dropped her off and decided to terrorize the streets of Altona Meadows for a bit. Then we decided Meadows was boring so we made our way over to Sanctuary Lakes to wake up people at 2am because they're rich, then went sight seeing in Point Cook at past residencies, and discovered the "Tree of God" because it had light underneath it which lit it up completely. We listened to Warp about six times before coming home because there was nothing to do.
Then we sat at home making fun of music videos when Char decided she wanted to go get her stuff from some evil male's house before they all raped her. So we collected her shit, passed my old house which hurt my heart, and drove all the way back to Point Cook to get petrol. At the petrol station I for some reason adopted the bright idea of driving all the way to Footscray for kebabs. So we drove all the way from Point Cook to Footscray, overloading the car, at 3am to get kebabs. When we got to the servo the guy mumbled and complained that he was shutting it up soon but still made us kebabs because he's a public servant and had no choice really. There was no lettuce left, what the fuck is a kebab with no lettuce ? The guy at the check out was eerily chirpy for someone who'd probably just worked a 10 hour shift until 3 in the morning, he was on something for sure, and kept telling us he'd charge us $100 for our drinks which we just nodded and smiled at before quickly claiming our kebabs and retreating to the parking lot to eat. The check out guy came outside to do God knows what, probably stalk us out, so we panicked and drove away.
I was out of ideas so we just went for a drive. Jenna ridiculously drove to Pier Street where there are always cops because people apparently get stabbed there, so I had to duck. Of course they followed us so we went into a side street and parked in some random's driveway. I ended up getting out of the car just as the police pulled up behind her, and I bolted all the way to Harry's house. I waited there for a while before I realized my phone was on charger at home. So I thought fuck it, may as well walk home.
Walk home, from Pier Street to Altona Meadows, in ridiculous weather wearing trackies and a jumper and I made it just as the sun was coming up. I can recall one time I've been so sweaty, and I was not wearing clothes.
As I walked home my irrational fear of gypsies arose and I ran past every caravan or van that I saw to avoid being jumped for my jewellery or shoes or some shit. Then I nearly fell flat on my face because there was no light and a supermassive ditch. Then some random birds nearly swooped me so I ran some more. Then I couldn't run anymore so I stumbled to the nearest bus stop, lit a cigarette and sat there for a good ten seconds before convincing myself I was halfway home. Then I had to jog in the bike lane because there was no sidewalk and I didn't want to die by getting hit by a pushbike because that is just woeful. Then I was walking on the road because magpies were death staring me and I nearly got run over by a semi trailer. Then some nice old lady was walking her dog and her dog sniffed me and she must have thought I looked at the dog in terror, because she reassured me it would not touch me, when actually I greasied it. Then I saw the Shell sign and felt so relieved that I walked almost proudly with my nose in the air all the way to my house. Then I unlocked the door and called the girls who were so worried that I'd gotten kidnapped they camped out at the beach until they heard from me.
Then I had the most pleasant shower in the world, and now I'm sitting here waiting for the fuckheads to drive back and listening to Hades miaowing in the weirdest tone.
Age messaged me asking if he could visit so of course he came around and complained about how gay Glee is [which I must concur with him] and Shelbs left. A few shiggies and a d&m later, Char and Jenna messaged me asking what I was doing. Of course, they visited around the time Age was leaving.
Gez ditched us to go see Andy aka the evil bogan with no hair. All for a bit of green. So we dropped her off and decided to terrorize the streets of Altona Meadows for a bit. Then we decided Meadows was boring so we made our way over to Sanctuary Lakes to wake up people at 2am because they're rich, then went sight seeing in Point Cook at past residencies, and discovered the "Tree of God" because it had light underneath it which lit it up completely. We listened to Warp about six times before coming home because there was nothing to do.
Then we sat at home making fun of music videos when Char decided she wanted to go get her stuff from some evil male's house before they all raped her. So we collected her shit, passed my old house which hurt my heart, and drove all the way back to Point Cook to get petrol. At the petrol station I for some reason adopted the bright idea of driving all the way to Footscray for kebabs. So we drove all the way from Point Cook to Footscray, overloading the car, at 3am to get kebabs. When we got to the servo the guy mumbled and complained that he was shutting it up soon but still made us kebabs because he's a public servant and had no choice really. There was no lettuce left, what the fuck is a kebab with no lettuce ? The guy at the check out was eerily chirpy for someone who'd probably just worked a 10 hour shift until 3 in the morning, he was on something for sure, and kept telling us he'd charge us $100 for our drinks which we just nodded and smiled at before quickly claiming our kebabs and retreating to the parking lot to eat. The check out guy came outside to do God knows what, probably stalk us out, so we panicked and drove away.
I was out of ideas so we just went for a drive. Jenna ridiculously drove to Pier Street where there are always cops because people apparently get stabbed there, so I had to duck. Of course they followed us so we went into a side street and parked in some random's driveway. I ended up getting out of the car just as the police pulled up behind her, and I bolted all the way to Harry's house. I waited there for a while before I realized my phone was on charger at home. So I thought fuck it, may as well walk home.
Walk home, from Pier Street to Altona Meadows, in ridiculous weather wearing trackies and a jumper and I made it just as the sun was coming up. I can recall one time I've been so sweaty, and I was not wearing clothes.
As I walked home my irrational fear of gypsies arose and I ran past every caravan or van that I saw to avoid being jumped for my jewellery or shoes or some shit. Then I nearly fell flat on my face because there was no light and a supermassive ditch. Then some random birds nearly swooped me so I ran some more. Then I couldn't run anymore so I stumbled to the nearest bus stop, lit a cigarette and sat there for a good ten seconds before convincing myself I was halfway home. Then I had to jog in the bike lane because there was no sidewalk and I didn't want to die by getting hit by a pushbike because that is just woeful. Then I was walking on the road because magpies were death staring me and I nearly got run over by a semi trailer. Then some nice old lady was walking her dog and her dog sniffed me and she must have thought I looked at the dog in terror, because she reassured me it would not touch me, when actually I greasied it. Then I saw the Shell sign and felt so relieved that I walked almost proudly with my nose in the air all the way to my house. Then I unlocked the door and called the girls who were so worried that I'd gotten kidnapped they camped out at the beach until they heard from me.
Then I had the most pleasant shower in the world, and now I'm sitting here waiting for the fuckheads to drive back and listening to Hades miaowing in the weirdest tone.
Tree of God.
Dec 27, 2009
silenzio.
Pickles aka the big sister just came over for a visit and woke me up. We indulged in a bit of Chuck Bass and a bitch session about our favourite male of all time.
Now I'm sitting in silence writing this blog. Hades is asleep on my bed and Fred has gone to Simon's to cook roast lamb because our oven is shit. I'm not sure what to do now, but for the next few minutes at least, I'm quite content just sitting here and writing down my thoughts.
1. Donnie - the love of my life, he really is. And while the big sister believes that I can fall for someone even more, I highly doubt that, and although she has felt these exact feelings for the exact same person anymore I feel as though we cannot relate. He is the one that I got OVER who I thought was the love of my life at the time, and now there is no one else, and nobody can compare. True, he does do this to plenty of other girls, but from what I've been told I've been the worst affected. And yes, she did tell me that someday he will get his turn and get hurt, but as I said, what kills me is to know that the person who hurts him will not be me. I am willing to put all the money I have ever collected in my life on that [and believe me, that's a lot]. She believes I may have a shot in hell. I must disagree. It kills me to disagree.
2. That asshole I call my father - most likely to have another child. I refuse to identify that child at my half sibling. Indeed, the child has done nothing, but how is it punishment to the child if from birth I refuse to be a part of its life - it will never know any different ? Besides, it's not like I have very much contact with that side of the family as it is, I don't even speak to my father. The last thing we'd all want is the prodigal daughter stepping in and causing a scene over her father and "step mother's" new found happiness. Rather disown it from the beginning, less of an effort.
3. Chuck Bass - if only there were more men like him in the world. He is perfection [apart from the fact that he doesn't wax his chest - deal breaker]. Yes, he is an asshole, and yes he plays his little mind games, but he falls for the girl and does everything in his power to avoid hurting her directly and to make her happy. The closest I've found to a male who embodies this, has not found that girl yet. It kills me to think that girl will never be me.
4. Cigarettes - I need a new deck. I've been smoking less because I've been around family. Now that the silly season is over [or more correctly, the ridiculous season] watch my lungs rot to nothing but a black mass in my ribs.
5. My room - I should probably clean it and hang up my Christmas present.
6. Fred - the best mother in the world. I cannot apologize to her enough for the damage I've caused and for the wrong things I've done and for everything I've put her through. I cannot thank her enough for my amazing Christmas present, for everything she does for me, for the way she treats me like an adult but a child when I need it, for the way she steers me in the right direction even when I lose my way, for the way she never loses faith or trust in me even after I've proved to her I don't even deserve it, and for being my best friend in the world and the only person I'll ever depend on.
7. Hades - is really cute right now.
8. Cupboard doors - really should consider putting them back on my cupboard.
9. Summer clothes - man I need to go shopping, I need to find a way to pay for these things I need to go shopping for first. So out of dosh it's not even funny anymore. Cutting down smoking [NOT QUITTING] to about a deck a week instead of almost a deck a day, and I might consider getting a job just until I have enough to pay off everything I want. Or I could just visit the Greeks and take their kesh money.
10. My wardrobe - is actually becoming quite respectable. Photos when it's done.
Now I'm sitting in silence writing this blog. Hades is asleep on my bed and Fred has gone to Simon's to cook roast lamb because our oven is shit. I'm not sure what to do now, but for the next few minutes at least, I'm quite content just sitting here and writing down my thoughts.
1. Donnie - the love of my life, he really is. And while the big sister believes that I can fall for someone even more, I highly doubt that, and although she has felt these exact feelings for the exact same person anymore I feel as though we cannot relate. He is the one that I got OVER who I thought was the love of my life at the time, and now there is no one else, and nobody can compare. True, he does do this to plenty of other girls, but from what I've been told I've been the worst affected. And yes, she did tell me that someday he will get his turn and get hurt, but as I said, what kills me is to know that the person who hurts him will not be me. I am willing to put all the money I have ever collected in my life on that [and believe me, that's a lot]. She believes I may have a shot in hell. I must disagree. It kills me to disagree.
2. That asshole I call my father - most likely to have another child. I refuse to identify that child at my half sibling. Indeed, the child has done nothing, but how is it punishment to the child if from birth I refuse to be a part of its life - it will never know any different ? Besides, it's not like I have very much contact with that side of the family as it is, I don't even speak to my father. The last thing we'd all want is the prodigal daughter stepping in and causing a scene over her father and "step mother's" new found happiness. Rather disown it from the beginning, less of an effort.
3. Chuck Bass - if only there were more men like him in the world. He is perfection [apart from the fact that he doesn't wax his chest - deal breaker]. Yes, he is an asshole, and yes he plays his little mind games, but he falls for the girl and does everything in his power to avoid hurting her directly and to make her happy. The closest I've found to a male who embodies this, has not found that girl yet. It kills me to think that girl will never be me.
4. Cigarettes - I need a new deck. I've been smoking less because I've been around family. Now that the silly season is over [or more correctly, the ridiculous season] watch my lungs rot to nothing but a black mass in my ribs.
5. My room - I should probably clean it and hang up my Christmas present.
6. Fred - the best mother in the world. I cannot apologize to her enough for the damage I've caused and for the wrong things I've done and for everything I've put her through. I cannot thank her enough for my amazing Christmas present, for everything she does for me, for the way she treats me like an adult but a child when I need it, for the way she steers me in the right direction even when I lose my way, for the way she never loses faith or trust in me even after I've proved to her I don't even deserve it, and for being my best friend in the world and the only person I'll ever depend on.
7. Hades - is really cute right now.
8. Cupboard doors - really should consider putting them back on my cupboard.
9. Summer clothes - man I need to go shopping, I need to find a way to pay for these things I need to go shopping for first. So out of dosh it's not even funny anymore. Cutting down smoking [NOT QUITTING] to about a deck a week instead of almost a deck a day, and I might consider getting a job just until I have enough to pay off everything I want. Or I could just visit the Greeks and take their kesh money.
10. My wardrobe - is actually becoming quite respectable. Photos when it's done.
Dec 26, 2009
homecoming.
Just arrived back from Albury.
Fred promised to let me drive up and back for a portion of the way with my grandparents in the back, so I was determined to drive all the way to Glenrowan McDonalds from Melbourne. Yesterday I fulfilled that goal and was so relieved to see the Golden Arches on the horizon, however as I parked the car I discovered the seats in the restaurant were up and nobody was around, exception of the Asians eating sammiches on the outdoor seating. I went to open the doors and they were locked. Maccas was locked on Christmas. I cried and had a cigarette with my grandparents.
We got to Albury, and my entire family wasn't at their house so we had to jump the fence to unlock the door. The weather was disgusting already, hot and fucking sticky as hell. I sat in the car grumpily with a massive headache until they finally got inside.
Then we were outside chilling and the neighbours starting pouring in, one by one. One lady walked in with a platter of assorted cheeses and announced they were "baby cheeses for baby Jesus." Although she turned out to be a lovely lady with a great sense of humour, that line never made me look at her quite the same.
I was so bored I drank. With my family. That's low.
Fred, Moni J and I decided we were excessively bored and claustrophobic from the neighbour's "hospitality" that we hopped in the car and drove to buttfuck nowhere for no apparent reason, whilst all under the influence...gotta love the Beamer.
I met the most adorable little boy, Will. He belonged to the neighbours across the road and was an absolute terror with the most innocent look but if you looked into his eyes you'd know he was up to no good. He'd do something awful whilst looking you in the eye and grinning. He stuck his hand in the ice bucket and started piffing ice cubes at people. This child is one and a half years old. I wanted to adopt him.
After a while some more random neighbours popped in just as some of them were leaving, with frozen margarita mix. We decided we may as well drink some more, it was too sweet for my liking but I downed it anyway because there was nothing else to do.
I unlocked my cousins' wifi on my iPhone and was on Facebook the rest of the night, stalking people and stirring up some emotions I thought I buried very deep for Cinnamon...although I don't care that he and Pixie are together [still], it is still foreign to me as I did not picture them lasting past the six month mark. It pains me not only to see that I was wrong, but that I was DEAD wrong about them. And the fact that she got him and not me still to this day turns my stomach. Honest to God, it made me for a split second question my feelings for Donnie and Cinnamon's love for Pixie - merely physical attraction or real, gut wrenching, heart breaking love ? What would have been the outcome if the tables were turned and Pixie and I had ended up with the same men, but the other way around as it was originally planned out ? Something to mull over in my mind.
Then as I went to plug my phone into the charger I discovered the bed leg thing was in the way of the powerpoint. So I had to wake up Fred in order to move that ten ton bed just to get to the powerpoint. Then as soon as I went to try and sleep I found I was not tired at all, and Fred was snoring.
I woke up this morning at roughly 9am. Why 9, you may ask ? I don't know. Go ask the dickheads that woke up at about 4am to go shopping at 5 for the screwy Boxing Day sales. Have fun sifting and sorting through various apparel rejected by the masses during Christmas and therefore marked down in an effortless hope that some cashed up shopaholic will pick it up and love it for another two weeks before it finally makes its way to a Savers clothes rack.
As soon as I woke up I got ready to go shopping and my grandmother started yelling at me for no apparent reason, she just loves to yell. Went and annoyed Moni J at work with the Rat. My delightful grandmother who loves to yell left a trolley in the middle of a shopping centre, and yelled at it. I ate a cheese and bacon roll. It was great.
Fred, Rat and I headed off to the city without my delightful grandmother unfortunately and went directly to Myer where we discovered that half of Albury had the same idea. I called Boxhead and she told me the shops were closed, well did I have news for her. I headed directly over to the resort she and the entire love of my life's family were staying and kicked back with them for the rest of the day, exhausting stuff. Dee cracked it because I tanned after five minutes and didn't even want a tan, while she was busting for a tan and didn't even colour after a day. We proceeded to turn everything into a dirty joke. I met her papa, he seemed to know who I was, I'm a bit scared.
It got a bit awkward when Dee brought up Donnie and we'd have a short conversation about him before realizing we were talking about her brother and the man that I lost my innocence to and it went quiet and Boxhead would just look at us like we were insane. I wish I could talk to Dee about all this.
Fred came and collected me, we went and saw the baby who had just arrived in Albury, said goodbye, and we drove home. I drove from Albury to Glenrowan and FINALLY got my Mickey Dees, ate that while Fred drove part of the way back and I drove with the evil sun glaring in my eyes. All the way bagging my grandmother - her "I don't like trifle" line, the way she slept, the way she said "was" instead of "were", the way she claps to music out of time, the way she always yells, the way she said I wasn't Lebanese but full Greek because my father is Greek, the way she makes everything into a melodrama, she's just fun to bag I guess. Fred and I quickly drove away after we dropped them off because they were fighting and we just could not be fucked.
And while I didn't want to leave for another day to stay with my lovely adoptive Macedonian family I must admit, walking in that front door to my beloved kitty cat was such a relief. So was the ten hour shower I had afterwards.
Fuck I hate Albury.
Fred promised to let me drive up and back for a portion of the way with my grandparents in the back, so I was determined to drive all the way to Glenrowan McDonalds from Melbourne. Yesterday I fulfilled that goal and was so relieved to see the Golden Arches on the horizon, however as I parked the car I discovered the seats in the restaurant were up and nobody was around, exception of the Asians eating sammiches on the outdoor seating. I went to open the doors and they were locked. Maccas was locked on Christmas. I cried and had a cigarette with my grandparents.
We got to Albury, and my entire family wasn't at their house so we had to jump the fence to unlock the door. The weather was disgusting already, hot and fucking sticky as hell. I sat in the car grumpily with a massive headache until they finally got inside.
Then we were outside chilling and the neighbours starting pouring in, one by one. One lady walked in with a platter of assorted cheeses and announced they were "baby cheeses for baby Jesus." Although she turned out to be a lovely lady with a great sense of humour, that line never made me look at her quite the same.
I was so bored I drank. With my family. That's low.
Fred, Moni J and I decided we were excessively bored and claustrophobic from the neighbour's "hospitality" that we hopped in the car and drove to buttfuck nowhere for no apparent reason, whilst all under the influence...gotta love the Beamer.
I met the most adorable little boy, Will. He belonged to the neighbours across the road and was an absolute terror with the most innocent look but if you looked into his eyes you'd know he was up to no good. He'd do something awful whilst looking you in the eye and grinning. He stuck his hand in the ice bucket and started piffing ice cubes at people. This child is one and a half years old. I wanted to adopt him.
After a while some more random neighbours popped in just as some of them were leaving, with frozen margarita mix. We decided we may as well drink some more, it was too sweet for my liking but I downed it anyway because there was nothing else to do.
I unlocked my cousins' wifi on my iPhone and was on Facebook the rest of the night, stalking people and stirring up some emotions I thought I buried very deep for Cinnamon...although I don't care that he and Pixie are together [still], it is still foreign to me as I did not picture them lasting past the six month mark. It pains me not only to see that I was wrong, but that I was DEAD wrong about them. And the fact that she got him and not me still to this day turns my stomach. Honest to God, it made me for a split second question my feelings for Donnie and Cinnamon's love for Pixie - merely physical attraction or real, gut wrenching, heart breaking love ? What would have been the outcome if the tables were turned and Pixie and I had ended up with the same men, but the other way around as it was originally planned out ? Something to mull over in my mind.
Then as I went to plug my phone into the charger I discovered the bed leg thing was in the way of the powerpoint. So I had to wake up Fred in order to move that ten ton bed just to get to the powerpoint. Then as soon as I went to try and sleep I found I was not tired at all, and Fred was snoring.
I woke up this morning at roughly 9am. Why 9, you may ask ? I don't know. Go ask the dickheads that woke up at about 4am to go shopping at 5 for the screwy Boxing Day sales. Have fun sifting and sorting through various apparel rejected by the masses during Christmas and therefore marked down in an effortless hope that some cashed up shopaholic will pick it up and love it for another two weeks before it finally makes its way to a Savers clothes rack.
As soon as I woke up I got ready to go shopping and my grandmother started yelling at me for no apparent reason, she just loves to yell. Went and annoyed Moni J at work with the Rat. My delightful grandmother who loves to yell left a trolley in the middle of a shopping centre, and yelled at it. I ate a cheese and bacon roll. It was great.
Fred, Rat and I headed off to the city without my delightful grandmother unfortunately and went directly to Myer where we discovered that half of Albury had the same idea. I called Boxhead and she told me the shops were closed, well did I have news for her. I headed directly over to the resort she and the entire love of my life's family were staying and kicked back with them for the rest of the day, exhausting stuff. Dee cracked it because I tanned after five minutes and didn't even want a tan, while she was busting for a tan and didn't even colour after a day. We proceeded to turn everything into a dirty joke. I met her papa, he seemed to know who I was, I'm a bit scared.
It got a bit awkward when Dee brought up Donnie and we'd have a short conversation about him before realizing we were talking about her brother and the man that I lost my innocence to and it went quiet and Boxhead would just look at us like we were insane. I wish I could talk to Dee about all this.
Fred came and collected me, we went and saw the baby who had just arrived in Albury, said goodbye, and we drove home. I drove from Albury to Glenrowan and FINALLY got my Mickey Dees, ate that while Fred drove part of the way back and I drove with the evil sun glaring in my eyes. All the way bagging my grandmother - her "I don't like trifle" line, the way she slept, the way she said "was" instead of "were", the way she claps to music out of time, the way she always yells, the way she said I wasn't Lebanese but full Greek because my father is Greek, the way she makes everything into a melodrama, she's just fun to bag I guess. Fred and I quickly drove away after we dropped them off because they were fighting and we just could not be fucked.
And while I didn't want to leave for another day to stay with my lovely adoptive Macedonian family I must admit, walking in that front door to my beloved kitty cat was such a relief. So was the ten hour shower I had afterwards.
Fuck I hate Albury.
Dec 25, 2009
Dec 24, 2009
christmas eve.
My wish list:
Fernando Torres.
A never-ending packet of double coat Tim Tams.
The entire Hemnes bedroom series from Ikea, esp. the dressing table.
Dolce & Gabbana black lace bow peeptoe heels ♥♥♥
Chanel pearl clip on earrings.
Vintage Missoni convertible knit dress/tunic/top.
Flowerbomb by Viktor&Rolf.
Vintage cigarette stick holder.
Mein Kampf - Adolf Hitler.
My Cupid tattoo.
Bring Me The Horizon to tour Australia again.
Monroe piercing.
MAC Baroque Boudoir Lipstick in Treasured.
A Michael Hussar masterpiece.
A sewing machine of my very own.
A new kitchen and a walk in wardrobe...or at least a bigger one.
Winter to come sooner.
Pamela to come home safe.
To wrap this all up, you.
Fernando Torres.
A never-ending packet of double coat Tim Tams.
The entire Hemnes bedroom series from Ikea, esp. the dressing table.
Dolce & Gabbana black lace bow peeptoe heels ♥♥♥
Chanel pearl clip on earrings.
Vintage Missoni convertible knit dress/tunic/top.
Flowerbomb by Viktor&Rolf.
Vintage cigarette stick holder.
Mein Kampf - Adolf Hitler.
My Cupid tattoo.
Bring Me The Horizon to tour Australia again.
Monroe piercing.
MAC Baroque Boudoir Lipstick in Treasured.
A Michael Hussar masterpiece.
A sewing machine of my very own.
A new kitchen and a walk in wardrobe...or at least a bigger one.
Winter to come sooner.
Pamela to come home safe.
To wrap this all up, you.
Dec 23, 2009
Dec 22, 2009
isolation and intoxication.
I know I'm pushing everyone away and alienating myself, but I feel like in order to deal with these feelings and recent events I have no choice but to be isolated and away from the world. I feel defeated. I don't know how to react to this all, I am so relieved yet so empty; so grateful, yet so greedy; so surrounded, yet so alone. Donnie, you will never read this, but there are things I could give to no one else, parts of me that nobody could ever come in contact with and aspects of myself that nobody has ever been exposed to. I gave it all to you and you left. So it's only logical that I should feel as if I'm left with nothing. I gave you my all and you're walking away...it's all so very cliched.
Aleksander, I hope you exist and can read this someday. I pray to whatever God there is, that I will get to meet you someday.
Aleksander, I hope you exist and can read this someday. I pray to whatever God there is, that I will get to meet you someday.
Dec 17, 2009
relief.
Finally breathing again.
This issue escalated dramatically but now it's all calming down. My appointment is tomorrow which means I'll finally obtain closure and a final answer. Today has been the hardest day of my life so far, and I'm really hoping it stays that way.
Frustrated with the sister, thankful for the other half and apologetic to the mother.
You pulled through for me. I'm so grateful Donnie. ♥
This issue escalated dramatically but now it's all calming down. My appointment is tomorrow which means I'll finally obtain closure and a final answer. Today has been the hardest day of my life so far, and I'm really hoping it stays that way.
Frustrated with the sister, thankful for the other half and apologetic to the mother.
You pulled through for me. I'm so grateful Donnie. ♥
Dec 15, 2009
content.
Green Day concert, best night of my fucking life.
More to report when I can be fucked.
Also, I think I may return to this blog after all.
That is all.
More to report when I can be fucked.
Also, I think I may return to this blog after all.
That is all.
Dec 5, 2009
renewal.
I'm redoing this entire blog, possibly making a new one.
Why ? Because it's time for a change.
Why ? Because it's time for a change.
Dec 2, 2009
summer.
Torres fucking help me.
I think I'm going to spontaneously self combust.
I would so love to fast forward to another six or so months.
And I cannot understand for the life of me why the long holidays are not during winter, because winter is boss.
I miss the footy and I want my Christmas present now.
You literally make me sick.
I think I'm going to spontaneously self combust.
I would so love to fast forward to another six or so months.
And I cannot understand for the life of me why the long holidays are not during winter, because winter is boss.
I miss the footy and I want my Christmas present now.
You literally make me sick.
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